Forget and Forgive
This entry was posted on 2/1/2010 8:50 AM and is filed under secrets to peace.
There is probably nothing more destructive to
my peace than resentment.
I have often heard it said that it is good to
forgive but one should never forget. I have
always taken exception to that idea. I am not
even sure that it is possible to forgive
without forgetting. At the very least, such
an attempt is a surface, shallow form of
forgiveness; which would never stand up to
future trials.
I like what Elbert Hubbard is quoted as
saying, “A retentive memory may be a good
thing, but the ability to forget is the true
token of greatness.”
I would never suggest staying in a place
where one was being abused. Honoring oneself
requires removal from such a situation, but
then we have to let go of the past.
When I have spoken about this before, I have
heard the objection, “But if we do not learn
from history, we are bound to repeat it.”
I can not deny the truth of that statement. I
think it is important to learn, each and
every day, and to use what I learn to avoid
repeating that which does not work and to
expand my energies in the areas where life is
flourishing. That does not mean that it
benefits me to hold grudges, or to cling to
memories of hurt.
I like what Confucius said on this subject:
“Forget injuries, never forget
kindnesses.”
I have quoted Azim Khamisa on several
occasions because I think his definition of
forgiveness is one of the most profound I
have ever heard. When asked by inmates at
Leavenworth USP, “How can you tell when you
have forgiven?” Khamisa replied, “When
that person has safe passage through my mind,
I have forgiven him/her.”
I do not think it is possible for a person to
have safe passage through my mind, if I am
still clinging, still remembering the hurt I
have assigned to the offending individual.
There must also be some forgetting, even if
it is only releasing the hurt which appears
when the person shows up in my thoughts.
